The Monster

Subject: The Monster Fri Jan 08, 2010 3:22 am

Love yourself.
Love your Monster.
And he will bloom greatly.

Whisper Whisper
To your Monster.
Everywhere you turn.

Whisper Whisper
To your Monster
Your Monster will learn

Hate yourself.
Hate your Monster.
Your path will darken innately.

(ABBA)

THE MONSTER

When I first moved here, I had a friend. Her name was Kayla. Kayla was pretty, an older, and more popular child than I was. I admired her. We rode the bus together.
In first grade, I excelled in Language Arts, so I would go to second grade for reading. All my other classes would be taken at my normal level. Kayla was also in my second grade class. Our friendship grew.
Kayla had a cousin. His name was Jacob. He had a big nose, and an extremely girly laugh. He also rode my bus. We got to be friends.
When I was in third grade, Kayla and Jacob in fourth, things changed. Kayla was a “big girl” now, but I refused to let her go. I held on until the end…two years later.
Our relationship was rocky, so it didn’t help when a new kid moved into our class in my fifth grade year. Her name was Nikki. Nikki and Kayla hit it off. They were best friends. Katie Clark, a fellow bus-rider with Kayla, Jacob and I, started to drift from me towards Kayla at this point, too.
I started to be, well, ignored. One memory firmly planted into my brain was in my elementary library. This was my fifth grade year. Kayla, now in sixth grade, was at her last year in grade school. It was in the middle of the school year on this fateful day, when Kayla walked into the library. We were standing in a line behind the door waiting to be dismissed. Kayla saw me and outstretched her arms. Finally my prayers were answered! My friend would be mine again. I wasn’t jealous. I was just lonely. So when I saw this, my eyes started to well up as Kayla came towards me.
I replayed this over and over again in my head. Kayla stretches her open arms wider as she nears her destination. She extends her arms and into the open arms of – Nikki. Wait, that’s not right! The thought echoed in my head. I felt like my heart had just been ripped completely out of my chest.
Of course, Nikki was in my class after all. A little voice in the back of my mind whispers to me. It tells me the worst part. I was standing right beside Nikki. Oh, she just didn’t see me! I argue with my sense. But the little voice won’t have it. She was right beside of you! I counter with a powerful, What are you talking about? And, as if she wanted to check that my heart wasn’t thoroughly tattered and ripped out of my chest, for a finishing touch, she hugged Katie. Who was behind me.
I really don’t know how long I stood there with my arms outstretched and my a melting smile plastered on my face. I don’t really know, if anyone saw. I don’t know, and I probably never will.

At this time, I started to feel like the world was out of order. I started having trouble going back and forth between my parents. This was possibly the worst year of my life…

But there was one person I had relied on to save me. One person who wouldn’t abandon me. In third grade, when Kayla first started to drift, Jacob was there for me. Pretending to be cartoon and television show characters and making me life. I started to confide in him. He also acknowledged that Kayla was leaving us and her childhood behind. Maybe he told her. Maybe that’s what broke the straw to where she would ignore me in broad daylight. Maybe not. In fourth grade, Jacob seemed to mature magically before my eyes. He stopped being my funny playmate and turned into a boy. But I missed him. We never laughed like we used to. Instead, or conversations turned into things…The Monster…The Monster knew things that grown-ups dealt with. Things a fourth grader shouldn’t know.
Jake stopped riding the bus. I only saw him at academic practice on certain days of the week. Kayla was on the academic team too. We still didn’t talk. One day, Kayla invited me to her house. Things started to turn around in fourth grade. Kayla and I hung out more than ever. Jacob, who lived less than a block from her house, would come down frequently. Things were halfway normal.
Then, the Monster returned. It told us cooties weren’t real. It told us bad words. It told us how unjust our parents truly are. We would've been "mislead" if it wasn't for our Monster. They made us grow up quicker. “Will you go out with me?” Jacob smiled as I said yes. Things started to get awkward. I would hide out at Kayla’s and call Jacob while peeking out the window to make sure we wasn’t coming. I dumped him. Over and over again.
He wouldn’t leave me alone. I saw the Monster for who it was and tried to shut it out. I tried so hard! But it didn’t work. Kayla and Jacob wouldn’t listen. Everything got about who could say the most bad words. Who can go out with each other?
Girls and boys crying over break ups. Immediately getting over them. Who can get the most adult? Who can be the most adult?
But our…but our way of seeing things, it was so warped. And the adults…they didn’t pay attention. They didn’t realize. And soon…no one could save my friends from the monster…No one but me. I was their only hope…And I knew I would not fail. I would emerge from the Monster’s Den victorious. Everyone would be my friend. Hurray for Katie! Thank you soooo much! Hurray! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurray!
I guess you could say naivety was my downfall. I got Jacob to quit bother me about dating…We were friends again! But slowly Kayla lost interest in me again. Jacob used vulgar language around me. Shooting foreign terms like “RAPE!”. And laughing. I now know nothing is funny about the Monster's whispers. They were all bad. They were things that shouldn't be joked about. There were lines. Lines NOT to be crossed. But we danced upon the line for ages. Then we finally skipped over.
I realized my mistake. The Monster was still there. Alive and well. I had thpough the Monster had been destroyed in foruth grade. Who was I think th think I could defeat the Monster and emerge from its den victorious; the sad fact was, the Monster’s Den was Earth herself.
The years passed slowly. Kayla and Jacob faded from my sight, never leaving my hearts. I forgot about them, even though I saw them frequently.
Tragedy struck. An old teacher of mine died. My wounds were reopened and the healing process begun again. Kayla. Jacob. The names whispered in my head, but suddenly, almost overnight, their voices were raised to screams. At a church, I stared at the dead body of my teacher crying. Crying for help. Was this my punishment for facing the Monster? Laughing at the Monster? Despising the Monster? Then, I realized...the Monster had strung me around for so long. Too long. I was somehow strung over to his side. I laughed with the Monster at others. I faced others for the Monster. I despised people as the Monster. I was the Monster.
I cried and cried staring at the dead body of my teacher. Crying for help. Crying for comfort. Yet, no one answered my call.
The Monster, I realized, wasn’t evil. The Monster was lonely. The Monster wished people would come to it. The Monster wished that people would comfort it. The Monster wished for love. The Monster wasn’t one, he was inside everyone. Whispering despicable thoughts. Only because he wasn’t nurtured while young. Some people lose control of their Monster. Some Monsters lose control of their people. What the Monster realizes that everyone else doesn’t, is that you choose how your Monster acts in every situation. If you hate your Monster, it will learn evil ways.
What happens when you give it love? Your Monster blooms. It blooms into such a beautiful flower. If only you would love it.
My Monster. I didn’t want to face my Monster. I was afraid of my Monster. I hadn’t loved my Monster. I had thought I was going to destroy it. How could I destroy myself?

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Subject: Re: The Monster Thu Dec 16, 2010 4:00 pm

This story is unfinished, so there won't be an update.

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