Gone! Story by Rach!

Subject: Gone! Story by Rach! Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:22 pm

Hey everyone,

I just playing aorund with writting a book and I would like to know what you all think can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave what you think and if I should keep writting it, I have not got a name but, there WILL be spelling mistake and other mistake. If you would l,ike to PM what you think I could put in there or charters name you can or even a name for the book. I not getting into the writting stuff yet becasue I'm only 13 but I would love to see if people like my writting so far. I will give you the first chapter:

Chapter One

I could feel them closing in on me, would this be the last time I walk on this earth? The last breath I took? Would they make me one of them? Or would they just kill me?

It dark, cold and I was scared for my life. I thought to myself, “Sophie stupid girl why did I walk into this house with no one with you? Why couldn’t you of gone to the mall with the rest of my friends?” Then I heard one speak, “Who are you?” It was just like a human voice but I knew they were not human at all. I took a breath like it was my last ‘’I’m Sophie from Waratah.” Then I heard him say something to the others, “We are going to have to kill her, she knows too much”. Wait! A male voice came from the dark even though there was dark all around me. “We will ask her if she wants to die or became one of us”.

Agg crap hard decision, I can barely make my mind up how to do my hair and what clothe to wear, how am I going to chose between life and death. I heard the sexy voice of the male who was just speaking to the others turn to me “Would you like us to kill you or to become a vamp?” I thought to myself a vamp that will not be too bad, I know I would be a blood sucking monster that would kill humans, but on the plus side I would stay 17 for the rest of my life, but really I didn’t have much chose.

I took a deep long sigh “If I became a vamp will I get to still go to school and see my family?” He replied back and said “You can see your family but not live with them, you can’t go to school but people will know that you are different.” I thought no school this is turning out to became not the bad. “How will you turn me into a vamp? He laughed “I will bite you of course and the venom will go into your body, it is painful but it’s not as bad a dieing if we kill you, it will be a long painful death. But if this helps I will be biting you.” I laughed and tried to be brave “Make me became one of you then”. He walked slowly to me while walking he was smiling, but then when he came to my neck his eyes glowed a bright red like he was about to suck all of my blood.

Then I saw them, his fangs, they where razer sharp and about to dig into my neck. I was thinking about the taste of blood yuck. Then with no more minute to spear he bit me.

Then the venom hit me. It was like hell, I remember screaming and yelling, but one this shocked me the other vamps were not enjoying it like I thought they would, there bodies were all uncomfortable but there eyes where just filled with pain just watching me like it was them on the floor screaming and yelling for help, it was like they where human and not blood sucking monsters trying to kill me. Then everything went black.

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Subject: Re: Gone! Story by Rach! Mon Jan 25, 2010 4:26 am

Rach wrote:: Hey everyone,

I just playing aorund with writting a book and I would like to know what you all think can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave what you think and if I should keep writting it, I have not got a name but, there WILL be spelling mistake and other mistake. If you would l,ike to PM what you think I could put in there or charters name you can or even a name for the book. I not getting into the writting stuff yet becasue I'm only 13 but I would love to see if people like my writting so far. I will give you the first chapter:

Chapter One

I could feel them closing in on me, would this be the last time I walk on this earth? The last breath I took? Would they make me one of them? Or would they just kill me?

It dark, cold and I was scared for my life. I thought to myself, “Sophie stupid girl why did I walk into this house with no one with you? Why couldn’t you of gone to the mall with the rest of my friends?” Then I heard one speak, “Who are you?” It was just like a human voice but I knew they were not human at all. I took a breath like it was my last ‘’I’m Sophie from Waratah.” Then I heard him say something to the others, “We are going to have to kill her, she knows too much”. Wait! A male voice came from the dark even though there was dark all around me. “We will ask her if she wants to die or became one of us”.

Agg crap hard decision, I can barely make my mind up how to do my hair and what clothe to wear, how am I going to chose between life and death. I heard the sexy voice of the male who was just speaking to the others turn to me “Would you like us to kill you or to become a vamp?” I thought to myself a vamp that will not be too bad, I know I would be a blood sucking monster that would kill humans, but on the plus side I would stay 17 for the rest of my life, but really I didn’t have much chose.

I took a deep long sigh “If I became a vamp will I get to still go to school and see my family?” He replied back and said “You can see your family but not live with them, you can’t go to school but people will know that you are different.” I thought no school this is turning out to became not the bad. “How will you turn me into a vamp? He laughed “I will bite you of course and the venom will go into your body, it is painful but it’s not as bad a dieing if we kill you, it will be a long painful death. But if this helps I will be biting you.” I laughed and tried to be brave “Make me became one of you then”. He walked slowly to me while walking he was smiling, but then when he came to my neck his eyes glowed a bright red like he was about to suck all of my blood.

Then I saw them, his fangs, they where razer sharp and about to dig into my neck. I was thinking about the taste of blood yuck. Then with no more minute to spear he bit me.

Then the venom hit me. It was like hell, I remember screaming and yelling, but one this shocked me the other vamps were not enjoying it like I thought they would, there bodies were all uncomfortable but there eyes where just filled with pain just watching me like it was them on the floor screaming and yelling for help, it was like they where human and not blood sucking monsters trying to kill me. Then everything went black.

Ok I have the Second Chapter tell me what you think.

Chapter Two

I was in a bed when I woke up, then I saw a beautiful girl standing beside me with a bowl of red stuff, oh my god it was blood. The first words I said were “Blood, I need blood now!” Then I heard her say “Its ok Sophie heres a whole bowl of fresh blood, you can have it all.” I ripped it out of her hand not being rude or anything I just needed blood. Blood was nothing that I thought it would have been, I was like popping in my mouth, and it was delicious. After the all the blood was gone, the girl that gave the blood to me came out and said “Hello I’m Maddy and I have been a vamp for a couple of month, I really hope we can be friends, and maybe even hunted together.” I thought to myself hunt, what are we going to hunt? Then the only thing that came into my mind humans. Hello it’s nice to meet you, I’m Sophie but you know that can you remember I was the girl that yours tied up and tried to kill? “Yer sorry about that we didn’t know if you where a something trying to kill us.”

You have to go and see our leader.” Your leader?” I shouldn’t have been so shocked. “Yer even vamps need a leader” Maddy said with a cute smile. “Ok well let’s take me to our leader.” We walked in silent until I asked the first question “Maddy how old are you?” Maddy first didn’t say anything at first then she answered me “I’m only 15; I got turned into a vamp because I walked into this house too and I’ve tried to talk to my family but they would not answer the door or even answer my phone call.” The only thing I could think of saying was “I’m so sorry Maddy; I shouldn’t have asked you that.” Sophie you don’t have to say sorry I know you would have asked soon or later. As soon as I knew it we were at the door. Maddy said “Well I will see you later, maybe we can go hunting after this?” “Maddy aren’t you coming in? And sure I will come hunting with you” Sophie I cant come in I not aloud to you will be in there for about half an hour I will wait out side for you. Thankyou Maddy!

I took a deep breath before going in,
Sophie!! A deep sexy voice came from a chair.
Hello? I said a bit confused.
I’ve been waiting for you Sophie; you are now one of us you have to following the way of our goddess Artemis. I was very confused I didn’t even know who I was talking to I said “Sure, but first who I’m I talking to?”

He laughed “How rude of me I am Aglaia, the leader of the vamp, Artemis came to me in a dream well I think it was a dream and told me I had to be a vamp and she bit me I woke up with a thirst for blood, and killed my mum, I have been a vamp for 15 years and I’m was only 18 when I was biting. So let’s not talk about my life story, come over here and drink this blood, drinking this blood you will be giving your life to our goddess Artemis.” I walked over I was thinking that I was going to drink out of a glass but he cut his arm with a knife and before I knew it I was drinking from his arm I thought “Am I becoming a blood sucking monster? After I was finished which was only a couple of minutes he said to me aviro to me which is the Greek word for goodbye, I was on my way out the door.

Maddy was at the door as she said she would the she said “Now do you want to go hunting?” I had to ask “Maddy what will be hunting?” Humans of course. Oh My God human which I was only 24 hours ago “Ok then” I didn’t have much chose. Then when we where walking at the gate I was think hunting using my fangs for the first time fun!

To Comment Please Go Here

Subject: Re: Gone! Story by Rach! Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:52 am

Rach wrote:

Rach wrote:: Hey everyone,

I just playing aorund with writting a book and I would like to know what you all think can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave what you think and if I should keep writting it, I have not got a name but, there WILL be spelling mistake and other mistake. If you would l,ike to PM what you think I could put in there or charters name you can or even a name for the book. I not getting into the writting stuff yet becasue I'm only 13 but I would love to see if people like my writting so far. I will give you the first chapter:

Chapter One

I could feel them closing in on me, would this be the last time I walk on this earth? The last breath I took? Would they make me one of them? Or would they just kill me?

It dark, cold and I was scared for my life. I thought to myself, “Sophie stupid girl why did I walk into this house with no one with you? Why couldn’t you of gone to the mall with the rest of my friends?” Then I heard one speak, “Who are you?” It was just like a human voice but I knew they were not human at all. I took a breath like it was my last ‘’I’m Sophie from Waratah.” Then I heard him say something to the others, “We are going to have to kill her, she knows too much”. Wait! A male voice came from the dark even though there was dark all around me. “We will ask her if she wants to die or became one of us”.

Agg crap hard decision, I can barely make my mind up how to do my hair and what clothe to wear, how am I going to chose between life and death. I heard the sexy voice of the male who was just speaking to the others turn to me “Would you like us to kill you or to become a vamp?” I thought to myself a vamp that will not be too bad, I know I would be a blood sucking monster that would kill humans, but on the plus side I would stay 17 for the rest of my life, but really I didn’t have much chose.

I took a deep long sigh “If I became a vamp will I get to still go to school and see my family?” He replied back and said “You can see your family but not live with them, you can’t go to school but people will know that you are different.” I thought no school this is turning out to became not the bad. “How will you turn me into a vamp? He laughed “I will bite you of course and the venom will go into your body, it is painful but it’s not as bad a dieing if we kill you, it will be a long painful death. But if this helps I will be biting you.” I laughed and tried to be brave “Make me became one of you then”. He walked slowly to me while walking he was smiling, but then when he came to my neck his eyes glowed a bright red like he was about to suck all of my blood.

Then I saw them, his fangs, they where razer sharp and about to dig into my neck. I was thinking about the taste of blood yuck. Then with no more minute to spear he bit me.

Then the venom hit me. It was like hell, I remember screaming and yelling, but one this shocked me the other vamps were not enjoying it like I thought they would, there bodies were all uncomfortable but there eyes where just filled with pain just watching me like it was them on the floor screaming and yelling for help, it was like they where human and not blood sucking monsters trying to kill me. Then everything went black.

Ok I have the Second Chapter tell me what you think.

Chapter Two

I was in a bed when I woke up, then I saw a beautiful girl standing beside me with a bowl of red stuff, oh my god it was blood. The first words I said were “Blood, I need blood now!” Then I heard her say “Its ok Sophie heres a whole bowl of fresh blood, you can have it all.” I ripped it out of her hand not being rude or anything I just needed blood. Blood was nothing that I thought it would have been, I was like popping in my mouth, and it was delicious. After the all the blood was gone, the girl that gave the blood to me came out and said “Hello I’m Maddy and I have been a vamp for a couple of month, I really hope we can be friends, and maybe even hunted together.” I thought to myself hunt, what are we going to hunt? Then the only thing that came into my mind humans. Hello it’s nice to meet you, I’m Sophie but you know that can you remember I was the girl that yours tied up and tried to kill? “Yer sorry about that we didn’t know if you where a something trying to kill us.”

You have to go and see our leader.” Your leader?” I shouldn’t have been so shocked. “Yer even vamps need a leader” Maddy said with a cute smile. “Ok well let’s take me to our leader.” We walked in silent until I asked the first question “Maddy how old are you?” Maddy first didn’t say anything at first then she answered me “I’m only 15; I got turned into a vamp because I walked into this house too and I’ve tried to talk to my family but they would not answer the door or even answer my phone call.” The only thing I could think of saying was “I’m so sorry Maddy; I shouldn’t have asked you that.” Sophie you don’t have to say sorry I know you would have asked soon or later. As soon as I knew it we were at the door. Maddy said “Well I will see you later, maybe we can go hunting after this?” “Maddy aren’t you coming in? And sure I will come hunting with you” Sophie I cant come in I not aloud to you will be in there for about half an hour I will wait out side for you. Thankyou Maddy!

I took a deep breath before going in,
Sophie!! A deep sexy voice came from a chair.
Hello? I said a bit confused.
I’ve been waiting for you Sophie; you are now one of us you have to following the way of our goddess Artemis. I was very confused I didn’t even know who I was talking to I said “Sure, but first who I’m I talking to?”

He laughed “How rude of me I am Aglaia, the leader of the vamp, Artemis came to me in a dream well I think it was a dream and told me I had to be a vamp and she bit me I woke up with a thirst for blood, and killed my mum, I have been a vamp for 15 years and I’m was only 18 when I was biting. So let’s not talk about my life story, come over here and drink this blood, drinking this blood you will be giving your life to our goddess Artemis.” I walked over I was thinking that I was going to drink out of a glass but he cut his arm with a knife and before I knew it I was drinking from his arm I thought “Am I becoming a blood sucking monster? After I was finished which was only a couple of minutes he said to me aviro to me which is the Greek word for goodbye, I was on my way out the door.

Maddy was at the door as she said she would the she said “Now do you want to go hunting?” I had to ask “Maddy what will be hunting?” Humans of course. Oh My God human which I was only 24 hours ago “Ok then” I didn’t have much chose. Then when we where walking at the gate I was think hunting using my fangs for the first time fun!

Heres the thrid Chapter final!!!

Chapter Three

Maddy asked, Sophie where would you like to go hunting? I know there are great humans in Lambton. “Maddy um how do I use my fangs? How do I catch people? Where do I bite them? How do I know if there good or bad?”

Maddy laugh and said “So many questions, first we will hunt in Lambton, than your fangs um there just there open your mouth, yep there they are, to use them you just have to bite them anywhere but try your best for the neck, How do you catch people us vamp are very fast runners and all of us can fly someone of us have special gifts like me I can find people just by thinking of them, you can trap them in a corner do something just kill them, and you know if there good or bad because you can hear there pulse, a heath pulse beat a normally, and some time you come across a person that as has a slow pulse or a fast pulse that means there unhealthy. You have to kill them but because they know that we are vamps just don’t drink there blood.”

Far out too many rules, I thought to myself. Then Maddy did something I didn’t think was believable, she was flying. She said to me “Sophie just jump and you will be flying.” I closed my eyes and jump and in no time I was flying, soaring. As we where flying I wouldn’t talk I was to scared that I was going to drop and die, even if I cant die. I couldn’t be positive but I swear I saw her laughing at me.

Than she said “We are nearly here all you have to do to land is fall. You will not fall you will just land it’s very hard to explain, I will fall first than you will ok? I said “Ok but we will not die right?” She just laughed and than she fell, than I heard her yelling out Just fall Sophie. Then I just drop and she was right it was not scary. We landed and started to walk, Maddy said when she hunts it better to be away from each other, she also said when she kills someone she will find me and share it. “See you Sophie will be about half hour.” And then she was off.

I decide to go to the main street thinking that there would be a lot of people; I was there in no time. I was looking around but I was wrong there was no one here. Than someone jump in front of me and I didn’t who so I showed my fangs, then Maddy said “It’s only me its ok come down” Sorry Maddy you just scared me. Than the smell it me it was fresh blood, she gave me the body, than I froze. “What’s wrong Sophie?” Maddy said scared. I could only say “That’s my mum, you killed my mum.” Then I started to cry. “

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