Comments - (Unnamed)

The story (Unnamed) can be found Here

awesome! I love it!

Great story. It's really easy to understand the images and emotions you're attempting to convey.

General tip, though:
You use "was" waaaay too much. It breaks up the narrative and gives it a blocky feel.

One thing to remember is that in real life, nothing just "is".
Everything is always DOING something, and doing it in a particular way.

A rock lays, slouches, rears, bites, etc. etc. depending on what a character does in relationship to it, or how they view it.

Example from your story:

Quote :

The last thing I remember thinking was ‘so this is how it ends. . .’

Suggestion:
"The last thought sent blurring through my head by lack of oxygen revolved around death, and I found it oddly comical that I should think of death when an hour ago my biggest worry involved boyfriend bull****."

In dialogue, passive verbs ("was," "is", etc.) aren't as bad, because it's common for people to speak in those terms.
The narration, however, even in first person, should include more active verbs, to give your story a better sense of pacing, AND to make the already-good imagery even more profound and clear.

i still love it hahaha XD

Thanks, VampHighPrestess555! And thank you Beastbearer, I'll try to stop using my overuse of "is" and "was", and you're right, it did kind of make it sound blockish.

no prob cause it is awesome

it was good.

Great story Kacela, are you going to be adding more to it. I would love to know what happens next.