Cutting the Cheerleader

Backhand spring, front hand spring, backflip into the bases hands where they lift me into the air. Standing tall and proud above all my fellow cheerleaders I feel the air conditioner hit my bare stomach as I do a full twist down. Landing in my bases arms they set me down as we do our routine. Music has always been my life from when I was 5 to now. Reliving memories was not a happy subject with me. The guys grab my waist and throw me in the air, gravity tries to push me down while I switch and land on the guy’s hand. I grab my foot and start doing a scorpion when I hear Sonia scream.

I smile and jump into the guy’s arms. Glaring at Sonia I see why she screamed, there standing in our gym doorway is a male teacher staring at me hungrily. Shaking off the uneasiness this teacher gives me I end practice early. It was my job to make sure everything was in order for our competition tomorrow. Nodding goodbye to the squad and giving flirty smiles to my crush, Chris, I enter the coaches’ office to see the male teacher standing with his back turned to me. I growl deep in my throat and walk toward the man.

“Excuse me sir you are not allowed to be in here unless you have coaches’ permission or you have some official cheer business.” I tell the teacher straight out. This was pathetic all teachers, even new, knew not to mess with our cheer schedule. This guy was making me mad. I stand there and wait for him to leave. He circles around the desk and me going to the door. I walk toward the desk when the lock turns. I get pushed into the desk and hands are all over me, they’re rough and hard not gentle like I imagined.

I close my eyes and black out the rest all I remember is feeling. Feeling searing pain as something forces itself into me. Sure I already know what it is but I don’t want to believe it. It lasted for two hours before it was completely silent unless you count the door opening and closing. I lay on the floor not knowing what to do. Nobody was coming for me. Nobody. It was nearly eight at night. Wiping my eyes I pull my clothes back on and head over to the desk. Searching for a pencil I accidentally cut my fingers on a box cutter. Pulling it out I watch as my blood drips down the gleaming knife.

The blood drips on the floor leaving a small puddle on the desk. In the light my blood sparkles like diamonds and is a deep red. I always made fun of the Emo crowd around the school but now I knew how they felt. Slowly bringing the box cutter to my wrist I wince at the first cut. It is enough to draw a little blood but not enough. The second cut was deeper and didn’t hurt as much. Sitting in the chair I lay my head back and finally let the tears fall. The tears mix in with the blood. Realization slams its way into my head; I was raped. The tears escaped more forcefully and finally I’m sobbing.

The blood drips onto the desk splattering a little. I stare at it in amazement. Drip, drip, drip is the only sound inside the small room. Standing tall I hide my wrist out of view just in case. I stare at the blood on the carpet from when the man took my virginity. Not wanting to relive I hurry out of there. Sitting in my truck I open the visor to check my makeup when a photo falls into my lap. The picture was of my older brother and I; I feel a whole new string of tears form around my eyes. The dam breaks and I start sobbing in my truck.

My brother was eighteen when he was killed in a car accident. The semi ran a stoplight and T-boned my brother. He was the sweetest big brother anyone could have. I was ten when he died. The school had a big memorial for him and I got a lot of pity from the school when I entered James Middleton High School. I hated it. I made myself known as the head cheerleader; it took that to make everyone leave me alone. By that time my parents had pretty much abandoned me. They would lock themselves in their room and refuse to speak to me. They said it was my fault. When they did speak they acted like I was a stranger. I had enough.

My brother wasn’t there when I had my first break up or to threaten the guy on our first date. He was one of the people that everyone could get along with even if he was a major football star. He told me that I was his favorite out of all the people he knew. Of course I laughed and said that it wasn’t true. Starting my truck I start driving to the park. We used to go there all the time just my brother and I. looking at the picture again I see the differences between us. He with his dark brown hair cut shaggy to the point where it was cool and me with my strawberry blond. We both had dad’s eyes, green with specks of gold. Parking the truck I don’t know how long I sat there. I didn’t want to go home. I had nowhere to go.

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