Hey, look at the number of stories I've posted! And none has reviews. It's okay. It's just that some are too popular, people forget ther est. Don't worry, I'm here to review. I love reviewing stuff that has no reviews, quiet threads are loved! (:
I realized a problem with your first part. It's too much of telling a story instead of explaining hte emotions a person feels. Yes, I can see you're trying to explain, but maybe adding a little descriptions of the protagonist's emotions like 'My heart was hammering against my chest. Breathing heavily, almost choking on each breath, I continued running. Never once slowing down, not once stopping to rest. I was afraid, terribly afraid, penetrated by fear...' And there you go, you can go on forever. That's one way to make it more interesting and also, add to your word count. Honestly, your write is generally good, just that the 'introduction' that dream part I meant, is a little not so good... Also, put dreams in italics, makes it clearer to readers that it isn't part of the actual novel / story because if they happen to confuse it, they will find it difficult to match the ideas together.
Just suggestions, but yeah still continue on the story. Never give up. Even if no one's there to comment or keep it alive, you know you've the power and ability to keep it alive. You are great, and that's what you should believe in. It takes a long time to get a story done, and even longer to get a GOOD story done. So believe in yourself, in your ability to craft out beautiful pages of words, let it be your motivation. Don't allow reviews (esp one liner praises) to be your drive to write and your goal of writing. When you write, write it for yourself. (:
ALL THE WAY!
(pm me if you would like me to give a more thorough review... I can't really speak all that I want here or else I'll get banned)
