Makayla's poetry

I write a lot, and have always posted poetry in previous forums I've been apart of so... This first poem is actually a new one, that I've been working on.

Big City Kids

The taste of skin before the ink
The subtle difference between us and them:
Hearts that sink
Upon a whim

It's different now
Than it's ever been
And, darling, how-
Can you corrupt a sin?

Simple thruths
VS. complicated lies
The heros and sleuths
To your criminal masterminds

Rearrange your failures
To match our few wins
You're all about jailers,
Bail, and opium dens

We're not small-town kids
We know the inner-workings
All the children that society wants rid
They wear scarlet rings

I guess that's me-
All the formalities with any of the regality

i really like it :]

Mysterious piece of work, it's unique. Idk what else I can say to express my thoughts lol. It's really good though, Look forward to more of your works. If you'd like some ideas, you can always join the poetry group on FB. You've a lot of potential. Well done!

it's really awesome that you're all so supportive; not many forums are like that.

Lethal Objection

Trying to postpone
The slaughter
You were never alone
Never had to barter

You're everything
To everyone
I've seen you creeping
But, you're their favorite son

Infamously charming
I am viewed as harsh
And yet they're all swarming
Likes flies to the marsh

Never your fault
I'm always to blame
Pulling summersaults
Right into the flame

This is my Lethal Objection

Your unique way of creating a creepy atmosphere and creating an image, a moving picture or even a personality is wonderful. Good job, just that the first stanza seems a little awkward. 'Why would someone who never needs to barter a person who needs to postpone a slaughter?' That's the question that strikes me when I read that stanza. the poem is otherwise a compelling read.

Make Up, Break Down

Yeah, it hurts at first
A little sting and a little itch
Just make sure to never turn
All the tears you shed and all the pictures you burned

Laugh and play with friends
The time will come and it will end
Dance to a beat that only you can hear
But... I can hear it, too, dear

A little bit sour
And a little bit sweet
We're dying in this summer heat
Three cheers for all the expectations we'll never meet

Watch as the waves turn
Thoughts that make your stomache churn
I'll come back soon
We'll sit back and watch the moon

The sun was always more appealing to you
Go sing under it and brood
Heaven's darker than we thought
Like all the fights we fought

Dreams of love and light
Were never completely right

This poem is good, would just like to point out a little here and there.

Some changes:
(Stanza 2)
"Dance to a beat that only you can hear
But... I can hear it, too, dear"
I feel if you change the last line to: "But... I can hear it too, my dear" or "But... I can hear it too, so clear".

it'll sound better, neater and harder to stumble upon.
Or if you wasn't thinking of that, I would suggest you to reduce the number of commas there. There are a little too many breaks, breaking the flow of the poem.

"Dreams of love and light
Were never comepletely right"

Maybe this will do better?
"Dreams of love and light
We're never completely right."

Though I've some changes for these two lines, but they're one of my fav lines too.

Fav lines:
"Heaven's darker than we thought
Like all the fights we fought"

All in all, this poem seems to take on a sorrowful tone, though with a hint of irony. Good write, keep it up.

~Ger.

Thank you.
I know the flow is off, and it feels awkward, but this is one of my older poems; I've tried to resolve that, lately.

It's okay, everything takes time. Nothing is perfect on the first try. You can always edit it again afterwards. I think your poems are generally good, just with a little slips here and there which makes readers easy to stumble upon, otherwise they're all good writes.