If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x]

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:32 pm

I felt myself kissing him back. I had to make it count I guess. When I pulled away I smiled. " I want you to be in Bella's life because I don't want it to be awkward. She needs to get to know you. "

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:36 pm

I pressed my lips wanting more. But then I nodded. "I want to be apart of her life," I said, "because it doesn't seem right that she never know her real father was always with her when she never knew it."

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:39 pm

I looked at his expression. " I'm sorry... "

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:44 pm

"Don't be," I said taking her hands in mine. "I love you Cassie," I said. "I always have and always will. And I don't want you to forget it. Ever."

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:46 pm

" But its not going to stop. " I didn't mean for my voice to crack.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:50 pm

I nodded. "For now, forever and for always I will love you," I said simply. I wanted to kiss her again. But I knew she didn't want that.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:51 pm

" I don't want to stop Ean, but I can't leave Luke or Gabriel. "

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:56 pm

I frowned. "You don't have to," I said. "It's called an affair right?" I shielded my real thoughts from her. I knew how to get rid of them. I had enough memories of Cassie to do it too.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 9:58 pm

Before I knew it I was kissing him again. What was wrong with me, honestly?

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:01 pm

I smiled and kissed her back. I had to do this. But i kept kissing her. "I love you Cassie," I whispered around her lips.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:04 pm

I felt myself straddling his hips, this was... comfortable.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:10 pm

I smiled at her kissing her again. I blocked out her mind completely. But I let one person see into it. I kept kissing her.

I gasped. "Cassie," I whispered. I took a deep shaky breath and looked down at Bella. Why?

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:11 pm

I jumped back. " No. " I felt myself backing away. " How could you do that? "

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:17 pm

I frowned. "I know what you do already," I said. "He needed to know what we did. He needed to know the truth."

I shook my head down at the baby in my arms and set her down in her crib. "Cassie," I whisphered putting my head in my hands and crying.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:20 pm

I slapped him.
Luke, goodbye. I felt myself walk into his bathroom silently. I opened the medicine cabinet. Perfect, sleeping pills.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:24 pm

I fliniched when she slapped me. I hadn't expected that.

I blinked when I heard Cassie. Then I remembered what happened last time I found out. "Cassie I swear. Don't you dare! If you do that you're going to make Gabreil an orphan and Bella without her mother," I said and thought to her. She can't kill herself. She can't!

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:27 pm

I poured myself a glass of water. I said goodbye to everything as I locked the door.
Ean I wish I never met you.
Luke, I do love you, I wasn't cheating, it was a last kiss, surely you can understand that.
One pill down.
Gabriel, I love you. I love you, Bella.
Another pill. This would be peacful, no pain, no one would care. I felt like a whore. I was one. I would just go to an endless sleep and it would all be over.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:31 pm

I flinched as I heard her message to me. "Cassie? What are you doing?" I asked her knocking on the door.

"Stop," I said as I went to my dresser. "Cassie you have to stop. Please." I reached through the drawers until I found it. It was the same knife that took mine and Cassie's years and years ago. I pressed the tip to my neck. "One more and I press this."

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:32 pm

Stop me. I tested. How can you love a whore like me?

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:35 pm

You aren't a whore, I thought to her. I love you because you are kind. You care about me and that b*stard Ean and your daughter and son. You know me in ways that are impossible. I love you in ways that no one would ever be able to understand. Cassie. If you die I will kill myself. I swear it my the hand of every god I've ever heard of.

((Notice how we've taken over this topic but the name still fits perfectly))

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:36 pm

It was a kiss goodbye, nothing more. I whispered

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:40 pm

((Last post for the night))

I understand Cassie, I thought to her. I get it. you love him and you wanted him to have something to remember you bye. I get it.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Tue May 25, 2010 10:42 pm

Luke, I don't want to do it, but I will. It was a kiss goodbye. My last gift to him. Then I wanted my life with you to begin. I was going to ask you to marry me tomorrow.
I stared at the pills in my hand. If he said one thing, I would take the whole handful. Like Romeo and Juliet.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Wed May 26, 2010 8:55 am

Cassie I love you. Why would I say no? We will be married. But only if you don't do what you are thinking of doing. I'll marry you Cassie. You never would have doupted it. I thought to her entensly. I did love her. I would do anything for her.

Subject: Re: If Secrets were told I'd be dead [x] Wed May 26, 2010 11:06 am

Then do me a few things...come and get me. Then Make me forget everything, I know you can do it. Wipe my mind. And then...make love to me... I was shaking by now. I was crazy, but really, I couldn't make one more mistake.

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