torn between 2 loves (open)

I calmed down then felt myself not being weak and sad, but stronger.
And independent.
I cleaned up my house from top to bottom,
Then re did my room, painted the walls and re decorated it.
I smiled.

I looked at the text.
I don't love anyone anymore, love is a four letter word that is abused...and don't make me chose I hot send.

I called him.
"Listen sam, I'm not chosing you over him and I'm not choising him either. You threaten to kill yourself eachtime I say that I loved him as much as I loved you....isent it enough to know that I do love you, I always will love you sam.. But right now, I don't want to talk to you, if you want to kill yourself, do it, but your making a mistake" I say into the phone softly.
I sigh.
"Jacob is dead... I lost him just like I lost my mother... I don't want to lose you" I whisper.

I sighed.
I changed into shorts and a t shirt with flip flops and put my sunglasses on and went for a walk.
I wasent going to let Sam keep me down when I had so many reasons to be happy.

I breathed in deep. I smiled as I heard kids laughing and playing.
I turned the corner and stopped.
I had walked to Sam's house..
I sighed.
I guess I couldent ignore it forever.
I opened the door.
"Sam..Sam we need to talk.. I'm sorry" I say as I walk in and close the door behind me.

"It's lacy, you know that sam, you always recognize my voice"I say.
I walk around the corner and see him on the floor.
"Oh my god!!!!"I scream.
I run over and gently help him up.
"Oh god... Are you okay.. Did you break anything else.. Oh my god.. This is all my fault.. I'm so so so sorry sam!!"I say softly as I rest his head on my lap

"Oh my...." I gasped.
I sighed.
"Your name is sam.. Your in love with a girl named Lacy swanson... I'm lacy.."I say trying to refresh his memory.

I closed my eyes and felt tears burning.
One rolled down my face, then another.
I called 911 and they came over and took Sam and I to the hospital.
"He has amnesia..."I say to the doctor when he came into the room.
"Sam.. Its gonna be okay.." I whispered as I held his hand and stayed close to him as they knocked him out with sleeping gas.
The doctor examined his skull and checked things, the amnesia would only be temporary and he would have his full memory back in 2 months.

I layed beside him on the hospital bed and stroked his hair as I sang softly to him.

I closed my eyes and sighed.
"God I am a horrible person.."I muttered to myself.
"Why did I have to be such an idiot, I love sam.. And he's my life... But I love Jacob to.. But in a bbrotherly way.. Sam just dosent understand that.."I say to myself.
I stroked sams hair again.
"I don't blame you if you hate me..."I say to a sleeping sam.
I sing softly again a song of my feelings for sam.

I open my eyes and look at him.
"Sam....I love Jacob like a brother... That's it I swear.."I whisper back to him

I sighed.
"I'm so sorry sam..."I whisper as I continue to stroke his hair soothingly

I sighed.
"I used to love him more, but I don't, I changed before you proposed to me.. But you don't believe me.."I say.
I stopped stroking his hair and got out of his bed.
"I guess I just came over to say... I'm sorry that things ended the way they did" I say softly.
"Bye.."I whisper as I start for the door