My Life

Wow, keep writing, your really good.

(thanks guys!)

Good rhyme/flow.

I can see that most of your poems start leaning towards a certain structure (number of lines, length of lines, number of syllables, etc) after one or two stanzas. Could be your style, but it seems like you're trying to move towards a goal, but there are some obstacles at the start which hinders you from reaching what you want to, as such, the front of the poem feels a little messy, but slowly progresses towards consistent structure. Okay, that's like a very round-the-bush way to put it.

The flow of the poem is good, but the flow of ideas is a little incoherent. Yours is a scene by scene kind of feeling because of the lack of unity of ideas. You have perfect link between actions in a single scene, but not when you move on to the next. Of course what you want to convey is still conveyed, just that it doesn't piece together very nicely.


Just suggesting. Your poems are unique, in terms of images and ideas, but just the unity part of the different scenes.

I know my dad says I need to fix them up too. He said I should work into the words and figure out what they mean and make them move some one else to. Each one of my poems are unique they are diffrent and hard to explain. I love to write them but have no idea where they come from. I think that they leak from my emotions because it makes me feel better and each is like a part of me. I will eventually work out all of my bugs so to say but right now I'm working on trying to figure out what the mean and how they relate to my emotions. I don't want to be a poet I acctually want to be an actress but I'm very shy. I know my poems are sloppy and rough and I feel they lack meaning, truth, and control. But mabey I'll acctually make a good one, mabey one day.

Why Love Hurts/Who’s Feeling Are They?

The tears roll down
And smiles fade
The love
Gone to rest

From the ashes
Love reborn
Replaces
The love gone to rest

And the child is hurt
But hides it from show
Not even she her-self knows
Slowly dying on the inside

Life seems a waste
The routine broken
Her reason to live no more

The smile that she has
On her face
Never to be complete gain

As the rain falls
She cries
Hidden away

As the wind blows
She cries out
In pain and agony

Different than most
She waits
The days come a whirl
Blended together now

But a love is reborn
From the ashes
And replaces
The love gone to rest

Where ever this love is
I sure hope it lasts
Not for me but;
For this lassies sake

For The Good

The tear rolls down
The child’s face
We all smile in delight

Burning now
With blinding light
The ashes will blow
Through the night
The child put to sleep

They all rejoice
They celebrate
The others cry out in pain
But anger at the most

The battle is already over
The good has won
The child was destroyed

To Die

To close my eyes
My final breath
And sleep my last long sleep

To say good-bye
To all my friends
Life evading far too quickly

And as my body goes
And my mind is calm
Finally at peace

People watch
And people cry
Sounds far away from me

The curse finally lifted
The sadness gone at last
Left in my place; my sorrow

As hard as I might try
I cannot share my happiness
For as soon as I was gone
There’s a hole that I a’ve left

That hole will not be filled again
Until my memories drift away

And my name
I’ve written in the sand
Is washed away by waves
And followed am I’ by my friends

Mask


There is a lonely girl
In this ugly world
With a smile,
Plastered upon her face

She never sheds a tear,
As far as anyone can tell.
Even though,
She has seen the end.

But they don't know
That every night,
She cries herself to sleep
Silently waiting.

Every morning
This little girl,
Depressed as we all are
Puts on a mask

The mask that smiles,
The perfect disguise
For this little girl

Then one day she puts it on
And something that she noticed
Her sacred mask,
Was cracked.

And as weeeks went by,
The crack multiplied
One day the mask,
Just shattered in her hands

So that day she walked out
Showed the world her true face
The world ignored her,
Turned it's back to her tears.
Just another lost face in the crowd

I love it <3