| | Comments - Totally Strange and new |  |
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Amii~.
Trying to stop war
  
Age : 32
Posts : 5585
Join date : 2009-07-20
Character sheet
Name:
Age:
Affinities :
| | Subject: Comments - Totally Strange and new Sun Aug 09, 2009 10:05 pm | |
| The story Totally Strange and new ( it involves hon but please read) can be found HereI like this. (: Great job. | |
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LaLa
Messing up a ritual
Age : 29
Posts : 2860
Location : ooh im invisible so im everywhere!!!!
Join date : 2009-07-15
Character sheet
Name: Iris
Age: 14
Affinities : drawing the future, rain, wind, water, and love.
| | Subject: Re: Comments - Totally Strange and new Mon Aug 10, 2009 11:31 am | |
| thnx there is more in the fan fic section | |
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Amii~.
Trying to stop war
Age : 32
Posts : 5585
Join date : 2009-07-20
Character sheet
Name:
Age:
Affinities :
| | Subject: Re: Comments - Totally Strange and new Mon Aug 10, 2009 11:32 am | |
| oh okie doe. (: I'll go read it there. | |
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LaLa
Messing up a ritual
Age : 29
Posts : 2860
Location : ooh im invisible so im everywhere!!!!
Join date : 2009-07-15
Character sheet
Name: Iris
Age: 14
Affinities : drawing the future, rain, wind, water, and love.
| | Subject: Re: Comments - Totally Strange and new Mon Aug 10, 2009 11:33 am | |
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*~Dreamer~*
Combining your affinities to save the day
Age : 29
Posts : 2240
Location : Place where I can be away from loneliness.
Join date : 2009-07-14
Character sheet
Name:
Age:
Affinities :
| | Subject: Re: Comments - Totally Strange and new Tue Aug 11, 2009 5:47 am | |
| Well, I think it's good, just that there's a little too much repetition somewhere. I can't tell what, but the beginning is a little tiring. It will help to excite the reader with the beginning. | |
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LaLa
Messing up a ritual
Age : 29
Posts : 2860
Location : ooh im invisible so im everywhere!!!!
Join date : 2009-07-15
Character sheet
Name: Iris
Age: 14
Affinities : drawing the future, rain, wind, water, and love.
| | Subject: Re: Comments - Totally Strange and new Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:17 pm | |
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*~Dreamer~*
Combining your affinities to save the day
Age : 29
Posts : 2240
Location : Place where I can be away from loneliness.
Join date : 2009-07-14
Character sheet
Name:
Age:
Affinities :
| | Subject: Re: Comments - Totally Strange and new Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:52 am | |
| Hmm.. Sorry for such a late reply.Well to begin off...
Basically, a story that starts off with "it was a xxx day" or "it was" is pretty boring. Start with something unexpected... you can also drift away into the surroundings. Like butterflies, birds, or maybe even magic. Like you were practicing ur skills and you smelled cheese. Something like that. | |
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~(~AlExAnDrA~(~
Discovering you have an affinity for Air
Age : 28
Posts : 264
Location : Cardboard box behind ur house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Join date : 2009-07-14
Character sheet
Name: Alexi (Lexi)
Age: 17
Affinities : All five (cuz I'm special)
| | Subject: Re: Comments - Totally Strange and new Wed Nov 25, 2009 5:38 pm | |
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LaLa
Messing up a ritual
Age : 29
Posts : 2860
Location : ooh im invisible so im everywhere!!!!
Join date : 2009-07-15
Character sheet
Name: Iris
Age: 14
Affinities : drawing the future, rain, wind, water, and love.
| | Subject: Comments - Totally Strange and new Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:40 pm | |
| - JiHoo_HyunJoong wrote:
- Hmm.. Sorry for such a late reply.Well to begin off...
Basically, a story that starts off with "it was a xxx day" or "it was" is pretty boring. Start with something unexpected... you can also drift away into the surroundings. Like butterflies, birds, or maybe even magic. Like you were practicing ur skills and you smelled cheese. Something like that. that is actually not a bad idea!!! i love it!!  | |
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| | Subject: Re: Comments - Totally Strange and new | |
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| | Comments - Totally Strange and new | |
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