| | the truth but in lies. |  |
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+6Midnight Demon Stark-4-life *~Dreamer~* samjie156 Moonwalker12 gamer 10 posters |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
  
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Fri Feb 18, 2011 5:30 pm | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
  
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Fri Feb 18, 2011 5:33 pm | |
| lol i will when i get home | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Fri Feb 18, 2011 5:37 pm | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Fri Feb 18, 2011 5:56 pm | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Fri Feb 18, 2011 5:59 pm | |
| Well your story is really great!! | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:37 pm | |
| i was clawing at him. even after i knew he was dead i kept at it. he'd hurt Eli. i relised i was crying when my vision go blury. i felt Eli catch me when i fell. "its okay Jade" he said comforting me. | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:44 pm | |
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*~Dreamer~*
Combining your affinities to save the day
Age : 29
Posts : 2240
Location : Place where I can be away from loneliness.
Join date : 2009-07-14
Character sheet
Name:
Age:
Affinities :
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Sat Feb 19, 2011 7:08 am | |
| Despite the difficult font colour, I would say it still kept me reading on.
Nicely done! Don't stop writing! | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:26 am | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:25 am | |
| See your writing is really good! | |
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*~Dreamer~*
Combining your affinities to save the day
Age : 29
Posts : 2240
Location : Place where I can be away from loneliness.
Join date : 2009-07-14
Character sheet
Name:
Age:
Affinities :
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:29 am | |
| Well, better than many i've read, that's for sure. It has a nice flow, consistent tenses, and most of all, a very close to the heart story. It seemed like those didn't happen only in the story. I don't want to ask whether if it's a true story, because it would be too painful to tell. i sure do hope it's just a tale you've spun. And may God bless you or whoever you're talking about if it's a real story. I feel sorry for the girl, even if it's just a character of a story. | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Sat Feb 19, 2011 1:51 pm | |
| thanks and its just a story i think up as i write. | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Sun Feb 20, 2011 8:05 am | |
| i leaned against Eli. he was trying to comfort me. i knew he could tell how afraid i was. i had stopped crying. but i was just so scared. i mean Bryan was Evil. "do you think you can walk" Eli asked. "um yeah i think so" i said we both stood up walking away from Bryan's body. it took about an hour to get home. i mean with me scared as sh*t and Eli hurt. when we got home. Eli looked at me. "what were you doing with him"he asked. i just looked at Eli "im sorry Eli i thought he was good" i whispered. he looked at me the hurt was obvious "i told you i loved you and your with him" he said. "im sorry" i barley whispred. i hadnt thought any of it through. i mean i knew it would hurt Eli but i didnt think he would find out this way. "sorry no im sorry i ever felt anything for you" he said walking away. i stood there i wanted to run to him. to beg him to forgive me. but i was to afraid of what he would say to me. i fell to my knees. crying. | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:09 am | |
| Oh no.... Pleazz write more | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:20 am | |
| Chapter 12
forgiving is a hard thing
the whole night after what had happened. was horrible. i felt all alone. Eli just stayed in his room. i couldn't talk to him because it was locked and he wouldnt respond to anything i said to him. so i went to my room ploping on the bed. i cryed. after so long i guess i passed. out because next thing i herd was my alarm. i had forgotten to turn the alarm off. i took a shower. gettin dressed in the first thing i could find. and headed down stairs. i got a bowl of cearial. sitting on the couch i watched some cartoons. i mean i needed something to cheer me up alittle. even though i didnt deserve to be cheered up after what i had done. after i finished i put my bowl in the sink. i would have to wash it later. but i didnt care about that. when i headed outside. i was walking down to my car. when i looked back i saw Eli's eyes watching me from the top window which was his room. i looked away down at the ground. | |
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samjie156
Trying to stop war
 
Age : 28
Posts : 16577
Location : Behind you
Join date : 2010-11-23
Character sheet
Name: Samjie
Age: 14
Affinities : Earth, Can see your soul looking at your eyes
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:31 am | |
| You always come up with something great =) | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:02 am | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:09 am | |
| i got into my car. starting it up i drove to the mall. when i got there i got out walking around the mall. i wasnt really there to buy anything just to do something that would take my mind off Eli. i saw Megan off in the distance. and she saw me so she started to walk over. i sat in the nearest bench. she walked over sitting beside me. "is he really dead" she asked. i looked at her. "i dont know" i said. and truefully i didnt. i hadnt checked. this time she met my eyes. "then i would be careful if i was you" she said. | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:10 am | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:14 am | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:22 am | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:27 am | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:29 am | |
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gamer
Trying to stop war
Age : 30
Posts : 31096
Location : somewhere
Join date : 2010-12-20
Character sheet
Name: Mike
Age: 16
Affinities : Air and Earth
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:30 am | |
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Moonwalker12
Trying to stop war
Age : 28
Posts : 21316
Location : nowhere
Join date : 2010-07-19
Character sheet
Name: Kassidy
Age: 16
Affinities : Fire and night
| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:32 am | |
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| | Subject: Re: the truth but in lies. | |
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| | the truth but in lies. | |
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